I would like to say that most people do not mean any malice or harm by their comments, and I do know this, but things can still hurtful to me when I hear it sometimes.
1.) As you know, I have one child, Julianna. I am 41 years old. Brian and I are ever-so-hoping for another child but after one recently failed pregnancy, we do not know what the future or God has in store for us. So, for whatever reason in the last week, I have heard this:
"When are you going to have another child?"
"Don't you want to give Julianna a brother or sister?"
"You better get going soon if you are going to have another one, you aren't getting any younger." (My personal favorite. Thanks for reminding me, because I really had no clue). Aarrggh.
I don't mind talking about wanting to have another child but it's been a touchy subject for me lately and some comments have hit home a little bit.
I don't mind talking about wanting to have another child but it's been a touchy subject for me lately and some comments have hit home a little bit.
Obviously there is no way people can know what we are going through and my feelings, so I get that. But I had kind of a bummer week and hearing comments like that put me over the edge I guess. Brian and I want nothing more than to have another child but it may not be in the cards. I know my age, I am WELL AWARE of that... but it's not impossible. We will see what happens. Oh and my other personal favorite is when someone who barely knows you feels they can give you magic advice on how to make it happen, like drink cough medicine for 3 days straight when you are ovulating. Really??? Thanks. I must have missed that one in my research. Oyyy evay.
2.) The 2nd thing that annoyed me this week was - Asking me when I am going to potty train my daughter. Um hello. Since when is it YOUR business and why do you care? Unless I have an 18 year old in diapers, lay off folks. My kid is 2 years and 2 months old - that's 26 months. The "average" age for potty training for girls is 2 & 1/2 years or older. I am not worried and I also know that she is not ready since I am after all her mother.
I can tell you what I am not going to do - I am not going to push my daughter to do something she is not physically or mentally ready for and torture her, me and my husband for 4 months. No thanks. It will happen when she is ready. So, to the Quick Check worker lady who put me over the edge with her comment to Julianna of how "Mommy wouldn't need to buy diapers if she went on the potty like a big girl". (p.s. I ran out of diapers while I was out and had to get one of those '1-diaper' changing kits to get us through until we went home). Mind your business lady. I felt like poking out her eyes with my car keys. Normally I can handle dumb comments but it was the 4th or 5th person that asked me this week about when I am going to potty train her. What. The. Hell. How about you worry about your own life and I'll worry about mine.
OK sorry to whine - Wah Waaah wahh - Yep that's me crying. But seriously I guess most other moms feel anything is ok to talk about or ask directly even when they don't know you well. And like I said I know it's not done in malice - but it was just a bad week for me and that made it worse. Oh and seeing like 70 pregnant women didn't help. Everywhere turned, there was another pregnant chick. Eh, whatever. I do know that I am totally blessed with Julianna and Brian and I truly have a charmed life. But, I am however allowed to have "Off" weeks. Right?!
ANYWAY
On a good note... here are some "Happy Thought" pictures to leave with you. I went to our local Lake Hopatcong beach last week with my friend Lisa and her 3 kids on one of my days off this week, and we had a great time. I did not bring my Canon to the lake on this day, so I took some snaps with my Iphone camera. There was no one there (back to school shopping??) and the kids had a blast in the water... although I did manage to get stung by a damned bee. It hurt like hell, but luckily I had no allergic reaction... that would have put a huge damper on the day.
Of course your allowed to have off weeks. We all do. Try not to let those comments get to you.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I'm over it now but it was just one of those things where I was having a bad few days and that didn't help ;)
DeleteSkye , You and Brian are doing a great job with your beautiful daughter!! enjoy her!! LOVE seeing her grow with all the beautiful pictures you are taking of your family!!! Have an "OFF" week !! I still MANY!!!Love ya and miss seeing all of you !!! Mrs. G
ReplyDeletethanks mrs g - I do hope we can see you soon!! Let us know when you are back in NJ next. :)
DeleteHaha..people have NO common sense sometimes. I have three kids...with a pretty big age gap between the 2nd and 3rd. I can't believe how many people ACTUALLY ask me "Do they all have the same dad?" Seriously WTFrick! I want to smack them, but I will give YOU better advice (that I NEVER heed myself)...just ignore them, haha.
ReplyDeleteLOL Kathy - You should have told them you aren't sure who the daddy is. LOL - that would have made them stop in their tracks!
DeleteYeah - I ignore most silly comments but it was just one of those weeks ya know! :)
Um...I LOVE this line: I felt like poking out her eyes with my car keys. I can totally relate to that. Harry is definitely NOT ready either, but I seem to keep running into people who think it's part of turning two. I watched a 2-year old whose parents wanted him potty trained despite the fact that he was clearly not ready. It was a disaster, and it lasted way more than 4 months. Yeah, no thanks. We're happy. The diapers are worth it. :) At any rate, it looks like the lake was fun. ;)
ReplyDeleteHahahaaha glad I could give you a laugh! It's true. I have seen a few moms start early b/c it was convenient for "them" - and complain that their child is peeing thru everything every day for months - nooo thanks. I am in no rush. It will happen when it happens. Someone told me the other day she tried & tried, and it did not work out for months... then gave up. A few months later her daughter came to her asking for no more diapers and she was done that day. Just like that. ANd she was 2 months away from 3. Fine by me. :)
DeleteI can certainly empathize. My little boy just turned four. I'm about to turn 37 and my husband is 42. We're asked all the time if we're ever going to have another because, you know, our son will be spoiled if it's only him. I love it when people tell me how "only children" are. I happen to be one, and I think I turned out fine, thank you very much. Lewie, at 3 years and 10 months, just finally stopped using diapers. Oh yes, there were people, even in my own family, that judged my parenting skills. One thing I've learned so far through parenting is that people like to give you advice ALL THE TIME (even people who don't have kids). I'm so glad I ignore most of it because it's CRAP. When I want advice, I'll seek it. With that said, I hope you have a better week!
ReplyDeleteFunny I was an only child too - and of course as an only child you don't know any different growing up - and look at that- we turned out ok!! Haha! It's funny how people think there is something wrong with you if you don't give your child a brother or sister. Or they are going to turn out somehow totally wrong. Unreal. I will say I did not think I wanted to have another after Julianna- It took me 37 years to realize I wanted one. She is the best thing that ever happened to us, so I am so grateful. We are now hoping for another child - and it may or may not happen - especially at my age now. But the 2nd child comments are hurtful sometimes even though I know it is not intentional. :) And yeah its true! I have learned to shake my head and ignore most comments or suggestions. As a parent, you know what is right for your kid only in our situation. If someone else wants to feed their children cotton candy and jellybeans for breakfast when they are 9 months old then so be it LOL. You can't say a thing :)
DeleteYou know, sometimes people should just mind their own business!!! I hate when people interfere! I am just lucky I don't have too many meddlers in the family! Thank heavens really cause I get stressed out real easy. I'm sorry that you've been having to deal with this. Try not to let them get the best of you though :o) I know it's easy to say, but seriously take a deep breath and just try to let everything go. The best medicine to turn your frown upside down is simple; just take a look at that adorable little face on your little one. I'd bet my bottom dollars that will make you smile :o)
ReplyDeleteIt's true but you know that everyone feels they have a right to comment on how you are raising your child b/c "everyone" is an expert, even people without kids. Most times it's done without malice and it's innocent so it doesn't bother me or I can brush it off most times. I guess by now it's not even a thought since I wrote this almost over a week ago now LOL ... But thanks for the kind words! It does help! :)
DeleteBefore i forget, love the clouds in that first picture!!!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you are having to deal with all the stupid people out there in the world! Sorry also that you have had some problems :( I really think people are just clueless and don't think before they ask questions or comment about things! There are very few people I would ever ask when they were going to have another child and that was only if I really knew their circumstances already or if they brought it up first! Asking about having another child is a very personal question, they might only want 1 child or they could be having difficulties having a 2nd, neither of which is anyone's business unless you talk about it first. I hated always being asked when we were going to have our first one, unless it was by a close friend, that felt different. I was actually rude to some family members (in-laws that i didn't know well at all) that started asking too many questions about when we were goign to start having kids. You need to be very close to someone to come right out and ask that type of thing! AND THEN reminding you of your age?! Wow, that's going way too far!
As for potty training....wow, I think I would have slapped the lady! You probably remember we attempted it a couple months ago, i honestly felt Kylie was ready, I was feeling the pressure from others, and went ahead and tried.......that was the biggest mistake. I still feel she is somewhat ready, but not all the way and we are now waiting, what's the hurry?! I would like her out of diapers before we have another one and most likely that will happen, but that's just because I don't want to have to buy double the amount of diapers.
Thanks Alicia! It's true- people think they can ask you anything and you won't be insulted or offended. Strangers, friends, relatives, etc. Although I am not including my friends here b/c they wouldn't be insensitive and hurtful. And its different when you talk to your friends about this stuff.
DeleteOh - I remember reading about the potty training with Kylie ... and forgot all about it. Sorry it didn't work out but like you said, what's the hurry :) It will happen when its the best time for everyone.
It's funny what people ask though - When you're dating, they ask when are you getting engaged? When you are engaged, people ask when you are getting married? When you get married, they ask when are you having kids? When you have one, they ask when are you having another? And so it goes from there....