We were at the park for about an hour - but I had to make Julianna play in the shaded area so we didn't burn up - it was already pretty darned hot. And Mom-of-the-Year here forgot to put sunblock on her. Oops.
I was looking around at the other moms at the park with their toddlers today, and for that hour in time, I was really wishing I was a stay at home mom. I would love to take Julianna to the park every day like I did today. I am slightly envious of moms that are able to stay home with their kids and not have to work or work part time. I know this is a topic that can be discussed many different ways and with many points of view. I know plenty of moms that could never imagine working and leaving their children. I do get that completely. It's a personal choice, and a hard one at that. I know being a SAHM is not all fun & games. I KNOW it's hard and I would never take that away from anyone - I have so much respect for someone who is {lucky enough to be} home all day caring for their children.
I will be the first to admit, I don't think I am stay-at-home material. I am one of "those" that needs to work and needs to make my own money. Is my job my dream job? No, but who really has their dream job? (OK maybe Derek Jeter has his dream job!). I do enjoy my job and like working and I am in a very good situation with my company where I would have a tough argument to ever leave. I am also one of those that likes things in life. I don't think I could sacrifice everything to be able to stay at home. Sorry but maybe that's just the New Jersey in me. And truthfully, the fun trip to Walmart, and delightful lunch at Panera today would be almost non-existant if I didn't work.
I have said this before, my husband and I both work full time, and I have never ever felt we missed a single milestone or missed out on any important part of Julianna's life because she is in daycare while we work. I have never felt guilty for having to work. We don't really have a choice, so it is what it is. We spend plenty of quality time with Julianna, and are able to provide a nice life for her. No regrets.
When I was on my 14 week maternity leave with my daughter, it was summer time, so I went to the pool and other places during the week where SAHM's hang out. I heard so many moms complaining about their husband, their kids, their lives, how it all sucks. I was like "REALLY??" - Let me see, you get to not work, live in a big house, be with your kid all day at this nice pool and get a tan while your kid plays til he/she drops? How is that so terrible?! I guess I was hanging in the wrong places. haha! That was very depressing to listen to. And it just shows, whether you work or are a stay-at-home mom, happiness is not a given. Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Back to today - I truly enjoyed the park, our trip to Walmart, and our nice lunch at Panera... and mostly the quality time I spent with Julianna. I have a lot of days off this summer, and I look forward to spending each and every day with Julianna. It's all about the quality time isn't it?
In the end, I am still jealous of the stay at home moms to have the freedom of doing what they want to do each & every day with their children. That would be so wonderful. I could see me doing that ... maybe. Maybe not. Maybe if we won the lottery. Maybe if we move out of NJ one day like we plan... Maybe not. But, it sure is a nice dream job to think about.
Most of my close friends are working moms - not too many stay at homes... but I know some of my bloggy-mom friends are stay at home moms. Are you a stay at home mom or work? How do you like it and what the the pros/cons? Do you have any regrets about not working?
p.s. Julianna went down the slide on her own today many times over. This was a first without us begging her to go down the slide. She copied the other kids her age doing it... and finally did it on her own. She loved it! And made friends too. She was so proud of herself... and so was Mama!
Here are a few pictures from the park today taken with my subpar blackberry camera.
I am a stay at Home Mom and have been for 17 years. I have no complaints and I love my job. But I have to say especially recently, that I would love to work. Love to be with adults, not cleaning up toys everywhere, ANOTHER poopy diaper, kids pulling at me and not being able to take a shower or go to the bathroom alone. I would love to have the money to take a decent vacation here and there. But then I spend days where we do have time to go to the park, I teach the kids something and see that I got it on their face and thing Nah, I love it here! They are only little for so long and my time to go back to work will be there. My oldest heads off to college in a year and I have been home with him since day one. And then I have my Brookie who still has 3 more years, it goes by quickly!
ReplyDeleteHey Jen - Yeah I am envious :) and I totally get why people stay home with their kids. It's not in the cards for us, but I do get it. But I am laughing at the adult thing - b/c I do like having the adult interaction when I am working- its a nice way to break things up. I think I would miss that. But who knows. I do love the idea of those "Mommy and me" things that only happen while I'm working. I wish someone would start a Momy & Me group that happened after work hours.... oh well!
DeleteI have had a few odd jobs here and there but most of my girls life I have been home with them. I babysat when Ashley was little but at my home so Ashley was always with us. I did that for about 3 years. I worked at a dentist office for about 3 years till my Mom got sick. I LOVE to be home so I never looked for work outside the home. Even though my girls are older I can tell "they like me home"!
ReplyDeleteKim, That is so great you were able to do that- what a nice opportunity! ANd like you said, your girls, even though older, still love it - that is so nice!
DeleteI love that you said, "most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." That's something to remember when we are all wallowing around in self-pity. To answer your question, I'm a working, stay-at-home mom. I work part-time from my house. I only work when I want/need to so I have almost 100 percent freedom to do what I want/need with Chloe. I don't regret staying at home, but I do miss working sometimes. I crave the adult interaction and I enjoy a good mental challenge. Work has always provided that for me. Also, I like to contribute monetarily to our family unit and right now I really don't. That bothers me because I have always been so independent. I wouldn't trade my time with Chloe for any amount of money, though. :)
ReplyDeleteI also want to add that I really admire you for being able to work and take care of Julianna. I feel like I get pulled 90 directions a day. When you add work on to that I can only imagine how stressful it can be. Props to you!!
Deletethanks kim - it is a trade off either way I think... when you weigh out both sides- but it sure does make me be on your best game when Julianna is home - I make the best of it (we all do!) - and the independence thing is big for me. I don't know if i could handle not contributing financially - I have always supported myself since I was 21 yrs old - and I think I wold have a hard time not being able to contribute or not having a lot of money. I know the tradeoff is being home with J... but I guess there are tradeoffs on everything like we said. :)
DeleteYes, Skye... Happiness is a state of mind you choose to be happy or not. I am a SAHM have been for three years now. Basically forced into to it when the restaurant I managed clised its doors whike I was 7 months pregnant with my second. I was terrified I loved working, did so up to labor with my daughter and went back to work before my 3 month maternity was up.... I missed contact with adults. Being a SAHM took a bit of time to adjust to bith emotionally and financially. But we figured it out and I love each moment (good & frustrating) we have. We choose how our day begins, ends and everything in between. You are amazing. The time you spend with Julianna is wonderful... I always admire working moms ( especially the amazing ones like you)... you work, are an amazing wife and mother & still have to do everything we SAHM do in half the time, this all after working each day. Props to all you working mamas.
ReplyDeleteWow this is such great feedback from all my mommy friends! I guess both choices has it's pros/cons. No doubt!
DeleteI love hearing how great it is staying at home - and spending all day with your kids. Definitely jealous ) - I guess life forces us all into certain situations that forces you to make decisions that you may not have done otherwise. And I do believe everything happens for a reason - like your situation - it turned out fabulous for your family! :)
Great post, Skye! There really are a lot of ways to look at it, a lot of pros and cons, and you summed it up really well. I love being home with Hope. We really can't afford it ... it's not like we're comfortable - we really struggle - but between Hope and my mom, I don't have much of a choice. My mom has many, many doctor appointments and treatments; and really can't be home alone 8 - 10 hours a day. To hire someone to care for both of them would cost a fortune - I would have to have a job with a really outstanding salary to make that work! Even though I do EVERYTHING to keep our household running in addition to caring for Hope and my mom, I do feel bad sometimes that I'm not contributing financially. I recently got an online work-at-home job, but I'm finding it really difficult to find the time to fit it in! So you're right all around - and I agree with all the other comments too! It's great, but it's hard ... you miss making money and interacting with adults ... but if you were at work you'd miss your child ... some days they drive you bonkers, but they're little for such a short time!
ReplyDeleteI love hearing from everyone, and hearing everyone's situations on why they have to work or stay home. It's all for a good reason. I knew yours, but it does make sense and I bet you wouldn't trade it for the world. One common theme of stay at homes seems to be how it's tough and a struggle but it's all worth it. I believe it! It was nice to dream for a day yesterday. I have off again in 2 weeks during the week and plan to dream again for that day again. :)
DeleteGreat post! I work probably more than full time. I'm a Director with an IT company and have 7 people reporting to me. I have to leave the office by 4:30 to get to daycare by 6:00. Because my company is 24/7, there are times that I have to work in the evenings, overnight, or on weekends in addition to my 8:00 - 4:30 Monday - Friday work week. And that doesn't include when I have to get online to help my employees! Believe me, there are days when I think I would love to be a stay at home mom. Especially when I see all these meet up for playdates during the day and nothing scheduled on the weekends. But our situation requires both of us to be working. My job is the more stable of the two and my boss is very flexible if I need to work from home or take a few hours to take the Marsh to the doctor. We also have a pending deployment closing in on us in a few months so it is more important now that I do have a stable job to pay the bills since we don't know what my husband's job situation will be when he gets back next year. But, like you, we don't feel we have missed any major milestones with Marshall by taking him to daycare. My husband probably misses more due to his military schedule than I do because of my work schedule.
ReplyDeleteI think it also really helps, in his case, to be around the teachers and other kids in that environment. Ms Ana was the one who got him off his paci at 12 months :) I truely appreciate the work that goes into being a stay at home mom, but for us, it made more sense for both of us to be working.
Forgot to add... there were a couple of times when my husband was gone with the Army for 6 weeks last September that I let the Marsh fall asleep with me in our bed and then I powered up the laptop to take care of my evening implementations for work while he snoozed next to me :)
DeleteWow - Amanda I knew your husband was in the service but I did not realize he was gone for that long - that has to be very hard- it's almost like being a single parent without being single - it has to take its toll on you but I bet it makes it so great when your husband comes home! Your job is demanding but thank goodness you are able to work from home sometimes. I work from home but too busy and I need daycare regardless due to the type of job I have- plus my job requires me to have daycare.... bummer - we all do what we have to do :)
DeleteLove that little bandaid on her knee!
ReplyDeleteshe has been boo-boo central this week! bandaids everywhere LOL
DeleteLots of randomness coming up.....I LOVE being a stay at home mom, but at the same time it is such a tough job and I often feel that people don't understand that. I am on call 24/7, yes, my husband is great and would do anything for Kylie and for me, but it still comes down to me for the cooking, cleaning, and child care during the week. He works long hours and has a long commmute to/from work, so everything is on me during the work week. I do love that I am there for Kylie all the time and that I am able to go do things with her and if it's one of those days where we need to stay in our jammies all day, then we can do that, too!
ReplyDeleteStaying at home isn't for everyone and I say to each his own, do what works best for you and your family! I would never judge another parent for what they choose to do, as long as they are caring for their child! Sometimes I feel like people think that stay at home mom's are just mom's that are unemployed/uneducated, but that's not true, i chose to quit my job and I have a college degree!
I do miss interacting with grown-ups and often find myself going grocery shopping just to talk to someone! It took a lot of adjustment to be home, but I wouldn't trade it for anything! Plus the guilt of not actually making money, my husband doesn't make me feel that way at all, it's just how I sometimes feel. One of the things I have really started enjoying is cooking and trying new recipes, when I worked I was tired and didn't want to cook unless it was something easy, now I love making new things. Also, there is the guilt that I am always home, BUT my house looks like a wreck most of the time, thanks Kylie!!
I hope you enjoy your days with J this summer! Also, quality time is what you make it and it can be in the evenings after you are home from work, doesn't have to be all day playing together!
That's awesome that J went down the slide on her own! We have that same problem at the park.
How was this comment for jumping all over the place and being sooooo long, sorry?!
Being a stay at home mom is hard work no doubt - I know it just by the days we are home (all day) with her even on the weekends - it is a lot of work... I get a break when I (we) work all week and I get adult time then too - but moms like you do not get that break - you are constantly having to be "on" all the time. That has to be hard! But like you said (and all the other moms above) you wouldn't trade it for the world! :) We all have to make our own situations work for us - and I am enjoying hearing about everyone's situations and why they chose it, etc...
DeleteThe making money thing would be hard to get over. I have never had to ask my husband for a dime and I don't know if I could (mentally) - I am not of that mindset since I have always been self sufficient - It would be a big hudle for me to get past. So I understand what you are saying totally! My husband wouldn't mind in any way if he was the sole breadwinner - he would more than happy to do it. But we just can't (thanks New jersey for being too damned expensive!) -
The cooking thing is great! I work from home technically so it is a good opportunity to do a lot of crock pot style recipes or dutch oven - i have tried new things too - i used to hate cooking. Now I only dislike it a little bit LOL.
I don't mind cooking, it's the cleaning up I don't like! I keep thinking I need to include some posts with some recipes I really like and then I just forget! I love the crock pot!!!
DeleteI struggled with having to ask for money and we have found what works for us is my husband transfers money to an account twice a month that I then use to pay for groceries, stuff for me, Kylie, etc. It's like I'm getting an income in some sort of way. If I ever need more then I do ask him and he transfers more, but that is so weird for me to ask. He's really good about giving me cash when he goes to an ATM, I'm so bad about keeping cash on me, but he always makes sure I have some. If I'm wanting a big purchase I do talk to him about it first, but it would have been the same while I was still working, there's just a certain amount it makes sense to talk to him about first! Sometimes I feel like I'm asking for money, but we really try to make it where I'm at least feeling like i'm taking care of myself! I have given up some things because I just can't justify spending the extra money, but if there is something I really wanted, we would make it work. Cost of living is a lot less here than in other parts of the country, so I know that helps. Plus, our vehicles are all paid off now and before I quit working we refinanced our house and got a better interest rate and just a 15 year mortgage now, so that has helped and our mortgage is less than an apartment rent would be.
I think it would be hard to not work if i didn't have such a supportive husband, he has been great about it all! Also, we eat out pretty much every single weekend, but we use gift cards most of the time. Both of us use a credit card for most of our purchases and then pay it off at the end of the month. Our cards give us rewards/cashback and we use that to buy gift cards for restaurants and then we use those on the weekends! Now, we don't agree on which cards to use so we each have our own, I like Discover and he uses something with more gas rewards since he drives so much.
I even think of part of my job as saving us money, I menu plan based on sales and try to come up with ways to save us money however I can. That being said, you have seen Kylie's wardrobe and bows, so you know that we are saving money to spend it on Kylie basically!
you have a great system alicia! It is so cool to hear this stuff- maybe it can help other moms when they are wondering how to do it all! Sounds like you guys are doing things pretty smart - good for you. I think you have to be financially smart when one spouse doesn't work, and it sounds like you guys got it going on! :)
DeleteI enjoyed reading your post and all the comments, reading blogs is one of the ways I get my grown up interaction in, although I'm not one to go crazy without. I cannot imagine leaving Mason to to to work, I think I would cry every day. I am so lucky to be able to do what I do. Financially, it can be hard. After taking our bills out of the monthly paycheck, there is not much leftover. We feel it is completely worth the material sacrifices (although sometimes it is nice to go out to eat and my husband often wishes we had cable..)
ReplyDeleteThe winter is very hard for me. My husband coaches basketball and we rarely see him. The days are long and it is too cold to go outside and we live in a small town. But the summer is awesome as he is home almost all the time (he's a teacher).
I know a lot of moms think they aren't stay at home material, but I wish everyone got to at least try it out. It can be hard, but it is so rewarding.
Here's an idea for you, Skye. You should pursue photography as your career. You could spend more time with that sweet girl of yours and pick your own hours to work. You'd have a job you are passionate about AND have those awesome mornings at the park with Julianna. :)
Thanks for your reply Melissa- everyone has a different thing they do that works for them! I love that you wouldn't do it any other way! Sounds like you have your challenges but sure get through it all with a smile in the end! What a great mom you are!
DeleteSo sweet about the photography but I don't think I would do it full time - I can honestly say I am pretty happy with my job situation... and besides I have good benefits for my family and a nice 401k to boot ... but it's fun to shoot photos in my spare time. I think it changes when you have to do it for a living. All that pressure to make money - ahhhhh!
... and to add, (I hit publish before I was done writing LOL) I think we all make some kind of sacrifice to be where we are in our lives whether it be a working mom, stay at home mom or part time mom - or mom to be. We all sacrifice things to make our lives happy - and in the end, we only need to answer to ourselves. If we can admit "I am happy" then that's an incredible feat! :)
DeleteI hope I didn't offend you, I think you are a great mom and are doing a wonderful job with Julianna. I'm glad you are happy with your job and benefits are hard to pass up! We do all make sacrifices (dads, too!), you're right. Happiness is top priority.
DeleteYou know, you're totally right, you're as happy as you decide to be. As a SAHM, I go nuts some days and wish I was back at work, and then there are days that I'm so grateful to be home that I'm giddy (most days I want to escape). But I've learned to surround myself with happy, interesting moms who are just trying to stay busy. I give you tons of credit; I don't know how working moms do it. To go to work and come home & cook & keep the house clean!?!? Yikes!
ReplyDeleteSome days I don't know how I do it either LOL! Bt it's all worth it the minute I see my daughter at the end of the day when I pick her up - I love seeing her little happy face and it doesn't matter :)
DeleteThis is a great post, Skye! I really love your line about how we are about as happy as we choose to be. It's been fun to read through the other comments and see which ones I identify with (and which ones I don't!). :) I went back to teaching school when Kaia was one, but after a year I realized that I needed to be home with her. I suppose technically I'm a working stay at home mom now (and I've totally had Mommy-Me-event-envy because I can't go places during weekdays), but it has been totally worth it for us. Thanks for sharing your day!!
ReplyDeleteCarla
Thanks Carla! I am so glad so many people liked this post- I love feedback like this! I love hearing about how other mom's feel about this since everyone has their own experiences and opinions. In hindsight, I wish I would have thought to be a teacher, having the best of both worlds - it would be nice to be off for the summer but still work and yet have off on the holidays, etc. I envy teacher-moms :)
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like everyones situation, including your own, works well for them - I love hearing that! :) Have a wonderful day!